Rediscovering Alignment: Lessons from "The Gap and The Gain"
Finding Fulfillment Within by Shifting Focus from What’s Missing to What’s Been Gained
Hey! Sofia here. Hope you’re doing great!
Last weekend, I started listening to podcasts about mindset and heard about a book called The Gap and The Gain by Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy. I decided to download it at that exact time on my Kobo and start reading right away.
I don’t think I’ve ever read a book quite like this. I was completely hooked, actually sitting down and following along with the journaling exercises it suggested. It’s one of those books where you might think you know all the concepts in your head but realize you haven’t fully absorbed them in your heart and body. We might scroll through social media, see these ideas in catchy phrases, and feel like we "know" them but deep down, we don’t really feel or embody them. And somehow, this book made it all click for me. You know that feeling when the “light bulb” finally goes off?
One night, I even woke up at 3:30 a.m. with this urge to keep reading and finish the exercises. Looking back in my life, I was so lost in 2022 and 2023, internally disconnected. Even though I have been and still I’m working toward realigning, I feel there’s room to grow, and this book has been a wow moment to keep going.
In the book, they describe the concept of the GAP versus the GAIN in multiple ways. Here’s a quick breakdown:
When you’re in the GAP, you’re stuck in comparison mode, looking outward for things to make you happy.
When you’re in the GAIN, you’re aligned with yourself, finding fulfillment within and not needing external validation.
One of the concepts that hit me was “measurement.” We often set our sights on big goals or dreams, using them as a way to measure our worth. But those big goals should really be like a north star, something to guide us, not something to measure ourselves against constantly. Real progress comes from comparing yourself to where you were yesterday, not some distant ideal. I’d known this idea in theory, especially from my body transformation journey that I started in 2022, where I focused on weekly progress. But the book brought a new level of awareness and purpose to it.
There’s an exercise in the book where you reflect on where you were 10 years ago. I’ve been journaling since 2010, so I went back through my old entries. I found one from 2012 where I’d started a recipe blog, feeling so happy to get 20 views in a single day! For some reason, I didn’t keep up with it, probably life getting in the way. Then in 2016, I’d started a blog about life with my dog Lolita (I still have her Instagram and Facebook page), including places to explore with a dog in Portugal. This one I remember stopping because I had a chance to move to New Zealand. Once again, life happened. But looking back, it’s clear that writing has always been something I’ve been drawn to. It was amazing to reconnect with these past dreams. The purpose of the reflection exercise was to see our progress, and I could see so many gains I hadn’t appreciated before.
Reflecting now, I think my burnout and feeling lost came from letting life “get in the way” too often. I was so focused on the gaps because I was so hurt with life, on what I hadn’t achieved or what I’d left behind, due to betrayals that felt like life stabbed me in the back, that I forgot to honor the gains, the growth I’ve experienced. It’s so easy to focus on survival and reacting to challenges, thinking the world is ending in each moment of stress, that we overlook our resilience and progress. I stopped looking at my gains, and that’s what led to feeling burned out.
A few days ago, I came across a LinkedIn post from a former colleague, suggesting we ask ChatGPT what it might know about us that we might not realize ourselves. The response I received was remarkable, it brought my attention to something I hadn’t been fully aware of: my resilience. It highlighted my ability to lead even during times of inner struggle, a strength I hadn’t consciously recognized. This reflection reminded me of the growth and resilience I've developed along the way, which I sometimes overlook.
With that said, if you’d like a dedicated summary of the book in my words, drop a comment below. I’d love to know what you’re interested in hearing from me, and I’d love to help you with insights from my life experiences and the lessons I’ve learned along the way.
I’m back into writing!
Thank you for taking the time to read and, hopefully, to contribute your thoughts. I look forward to reading your comments and suggestions!
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